denial

"The Role of Denial"

The role of denial
An important factor that isn’t reflected in the standard symptoms of addiction is that way that people can begin to distort reality, defending their drinking and denying that there is a problem. This process can make it quite difficult for a loved one, or even a professional, to approach the problem, as a normally reasonable person refuses to admit that a problem exists.

There is a paradox about denial that makes the question harder: If you ask a "normal drinker" if she has a drinking problem, she will say "no." If you ask an alcoholic if she has a drinking problem, there is a good chance that she will also say "no." Assessing denial is more complicated than deciding, "if she denies having a problem, she probably has one."

Here is how to use this factor as you are trying to assess the seriousness of the problem: The more someone seems to be distorting reality to defend the drinking, the more likely it is that a real problem exists. What do I mean by reality? Well, reality by consensus is a good place to start. If two or more people continually agree that someone’s drinking is becoming unhealthy, but the person keeps defending and rationalizing it, that is probably denial. But even without the consensus of a crowd, it is possible to assess this kind of distortion. You may find that you and your spouse see most things the same way, or can at least understand and accept each other’s views on most things. On the subject of alcohol, however, you find that you can’t agree on anything, and that your spouse seems to be distorting and denying in a way that he or she just doesn't do with other subjects. This doesn’t mean that you can be sure your perceptions are right, but you can certainly factor this in with any other warning signs you see.

If you are reading this to understand your own drinking, you will need to be ruthlessly honest to avoid any denial that may be going on in yourself. You may find yourself rationalizing or defending your drinking to yourself, but I suggest that you ask yourself again and again, "is this causing problems? Is this affecting my life in ways that I don’t want? Regardless of what I have said to other people, can I honestly tell myself that my drinking is OK?"

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